I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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