She bit a glass in half.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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