you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
