Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
