based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
