Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
