So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My breasts were aching with rage.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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