I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have post one night stand depression
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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