I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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