Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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