Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
