your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My feet surprised me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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