She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
