You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to stick my p in your. b.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
