Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
