can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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