Do you still have your period?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bring me that man meat
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
