Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
