Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
