It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
