ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
