Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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