so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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