Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
