I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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