You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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