I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
