my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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