Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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