I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
