I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
