Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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