I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
