I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
