____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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