i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
