Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
