dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
