I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
