Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
