He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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