I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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