"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
