and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
