So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
