Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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