My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
