Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
