It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
