Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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