how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
PANTIES FOUND
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