Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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