I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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