Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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